Posts archived in Free Speech

In a stunning policy reversal, the Fishmeister has deemed the use of the word “bullshit” acceptable on AMG. This apparently is in response to the Governor’s carefully chosen remarks about meeting with three unemployed people.

Fish said if it’s good enough for the Bangor Daily News, it’s good enough for AMG — kind of.

Read all about it!

However, the new ruling is limited to the current thread regarding the Governor’s Speech. Maybe they’ll make a movie with that title.

Confusing issues is the fact that the word “asshole” was used in the same thread with no apparent sanctions or repercussions.

Also of interest is Naran’s declaration that to attain the leadership qualities of General George Patton, all one need do is utter the magical incantation, “bullshit.” That should explain the reason for Scott Fish’s policy reversal.

Oh, what fun it is to read AMG every day!

In shocking news that shocked the amglolz community with a profound feeling of shock, we wake up today to find that former AMGer “Jarody” has been arrested criminally charged at the Occupy camp in Augusta.

Apparently he threatened someone with a sledgehammer.

Two points I want to make:

1. Give Jarody some sympathy because he is emotionally distraught. You see, he emailed me a few days ago asking me to come down to Occupy Augusta with him. I didn’t respond. Clearly anyone would be angry and upset over such a rejection from an anonymous political blogger whom he doesn’t know and has never shown any hint of actually being friendly with him.

2. Threatening with a sledgehammer? Last time we knew he was stopped by police he was carrying a handgun. So he is calming down. His tools of violence keep getting less fatality-prone. Before you know it, he’ll just be using pillows to threaten people. Or puppies.

Oh, Jarody. What a tangled web we weave.

6 comments

Yes on one!

So the AMG thread on the people’s veto of the bill ending same-day registration said, in its title, that Yes on One thought Maine voters were “stupid.” At the time, it seemed to imply that Yes on One couldn’t get enough signatures to put the issue on the ballot.

But they did.

The title was kept, presumably to imply that Mainers were too intelligent to pass Yes on One.

But it has passed.

So what will they say now? Are 60% of Mainers stupid?

By As Maine Goes standards Maine voters are dumber than a post, and I’m proud to say that, by their standards, I am too.

1 comments

An email…

Being the esteemed (not really) editor (um, have you seen all the typing errors) of Maine’s 50,583nd most popular blog (actually I think Maine Squirrel Feeders United just moved past us), I get lots of email, mostly from spammers but often from real people with an axe to grind. Sometimes I get amazing advertising “offers,” as well.

I usually just press the delete button, but before I delete this one I want to share it.

Subject: Advertising Interest

Hello,

We’re interested in placing a promotional link on: http://asmainegoeslolz.com/the-cast/mark-t-cenci/ for a website about how to help a drug addict.

If you already have an arrangement or ad rates in mind, We’d be more than glad to hear from you.

Regards,

***********

Note that they say they only want an ad on Mark T. Cenci’s page.

I don’t know of it is a real offer or not, and I wouldn’t do it either way, but a part of me smiled.

2 comments

Tom C finally taken to task

Take a look at http://www.asmainegoes.com/content/chamber-commerce-directors-acting-badly.

First, Tom C was forced to admit that his pluralized headline was misleading, but he immediately came up with other examples of Chamber of Commerce directors around the country having allegedly committed various offenses.

Then Dale Tudor correctly informs Tom C that even Tom C’s profession (horrors!) may have some bad actors in it, along with all other professions.  And he calls for Tom C to come to Jesus. Tom C says he already has, and Dale tells him to act like it.

Even Naran doesn’t want to participate in this “pillow fight” at the request of voice of reason (!) Roger Ek.

Eventually, Tom C proclaims that he was just kidding.  Oh, right, Tom.

Others get in on the fray and a good time was had by all.  Where else can one find such amusing entertainment for free?

 

I was notified of this thread by an intrepid reader. It is from a couple weeks ago, but it’s already a classic.

The premise is that Tom C, the thread’s author, will conclusively prove to you, the reader, that President Obama is a wuss. Not manly. How? With cherry-picked photos.

A “proof” in logical, philosophical, or mathematical terms is a formulaic description wherein, if you accept the premise or evidence (in this case, those would be the photographs) and apply logical rules and previously known laws to them, you can get to something that is 100% true, a rule of some kind.

A “proof” in Tom C’s world means that despite being a middle aged man he likes to giggle at pictures of people and imagine he could beat them up.

The first photo was Obama eating an ice cream cone. Obviously, Obama isn’t manly because of the way he pursed his lips while eating it. Obviously.

Riiight. Tom, if you’re reading, please send me a picture of yourself eating an ice cream cone in a manly manner. I’m trying to imagine how this would appear, but I can’t. Would Tom hold the ice cream cone in one hand while giving the camera the middle finger with the other?

Or maybe he throws the ice cream cone up in the air, shoots it with a rapid-fire automatic weapon of some kind, and then catches all the now super-hot pieces of ice cream bits in his mouth as they fall from the earth?

Another picture of Obama not being manly is one where he is attempting to hold an umbrella over his wife while walking through a gate. Really? That’s unmanly? I guess this might explain why Obama has been happily married for decades to one woman, in his first and only marriage, while Tom C is a divorced dad struggling to maintain his desired level of visitation and fending off restraining orders. Just sayin’.

In Tom’s last post he attributes a quote to Obama that would be bad if Obama had actually said it, but of course he didn’t. And of course our intrepid moderator you-know-who has not raised any questions about that inaccuracy, but whatever. What is amazing is that not only did Obama not say the quote, but it isn’t even one that Obama has been accused of saying by other right-wingers. It is a Tom C original. I’m serious. Put the quote in quotes, add the word Obama after the quote, and Google it.

You get one result, the AMG comment Tom posted.

Then, correct Tom’s misspelling and you still get only one Google result, which is different but still doesn’t contain a quote from Obama as Tom wrote it.

So on nearly every level this thread is a failure… I say “nearly”  every level because it is at least earns a slight chuckle and an eye roll, which is, after all, the supreme mission of AMG.

2 comments

Another Frary Masterpiece

John “Flammenwerfer” Frary wrote another opinion column for MaineToday Media this week. In continuation of my promise to provide a condensed, cliff-note version of Frary’s often needlessly verbose long-form masturbation, here is my reinterpretation.

Unlike the last one, this piece actually had a thesis so it is a little longer. My apologies.

Here we go:

*******

Have a seat and pass the popcorn, a people’s veto is under way

Are Mainers really all that opposed to making people register in advance? We’ll find out, yo.

Hi. Some people like political drama and clichéd statements about popcorn. By some people, I mean people like me. I’m going to watch as Democrats try to overturn the law ending same-day registration to vote because it is fun watching stuff.

I’m old. Like, really old. And isn’t Jesse Jackson a jerk? Haha, yeah, he is.

Look, Colorado and California are on my side. Isn’t that just crazy? Me. John Frary. And California. I win!

Some random groups who have nothing to do with any of this think 13 year olds should vote. What a bunch of morons, eh?

If people don’t register ahead of time they shouldn’t be voting anyways.

*******

Original word count: 750 (yes, apparently not a single word of the 750 word limit was wasted by Prof. Frary).

Short-form word count: 111.

AMGer “Flammenwerfer,” also known as John Frary, is once again writing for a local newspaper. His first column, a “triumph,” according to As Maine Goes, is now available online at the Kennebec Journal.

John Frary employs a particular writing style known as “waterboarding via language.” It is used by college freshman, unpublished wannabe writers, and John Frarys all around the world to simulate complex thinking by using lots of extra words to say almost nothing at all.

It can be fun to read but takes a lot of time. In service to those readers who wish to keep up with Mr. Frary’s column but avoid all that needlessly wasted time sorting through extra nouns, verbs and general literary masturbation, I am going to provide a weekly translation of Mr. Frary’s columns.

My translations will be short and to the point. I won’t use more words to get Mr. Frary’s point across than is absolutely necessary. Think of it as a tool that allows you read John Frary without having to get a babysitter for the kids.

Here is the first translated column:

****

Facts, liberal fantasies, and conservative bias.

by John Frary of Farmington

Hi. I write a column now. I’m conservative. I want to mention Will Rogers, John Locke, and Margaret Thatcher because they sound good, even though you’ve probably seen these same quotes over a hundred times in your life.

You can write to me. I doubt I’ll care.

Bye.

****

There it is! Tune in next week for the latest translation from our favorite wordsmith word-carpet-bomber.