Posts archived in Education


Judgmental by Nature

“Bob S” has an amazing ability. He can judge a person’s soundness as a parent based on only a few minutes of watching your child in a supermarket.

He was at the local Hannaford when he saw this unfolding scandal:

I just got back from Hannafords. A guy with a young overweight girl sitting in the cart, about the right age for kindergarten, was playing video games on an ipad. My grandson informed me that she was playing “angry birds.” Hardly an educational use of the ipad, and it isn’t helping the little girls health either.

Thanks, Bob, for your contributions to backseat parenting. I’m sure your kids are perfect, they surely aren’t fat, because you make them do sprints up and down the aisles while you shop for whole wheats and kale. Oh wait, the Obamas like kale- better exchange that for some all-American 25% fat hamburger meat. Close call.

Now, I’m not saying it is wrong to think that an overweight child should, maybe, be a bit more active. But for crying out loud, they are in a supermarket. Sometimes the parent just wants to get in and out. And seriously, if the kid had been reading “Atlas Shrugged” she wouldn’t have been getting any exercise either, except maybe some diaphragm stretching trying to repress the urge to vomit all over the pages. But Bob S would be handing out parenting gold stars if he saw that going down.

Here is the point: Bob, you have no idea what the hell is going on in that kid’s life, or her parent’s. Maybe she is playing angry birds because she cleaned her fucking room today, so she gets a half-hour playing a video game with cute birds and pigs. Oh, the humanity!

Or maybe her Dad takes her home and ties her down like a young calf, and force feeds her grain and milk through a tube. I’d object to that, but if anyone tried to give her a healthy lunch at school Bob would start bitching about the “nanny state.” You just can’t win with some people.

Either way, Bob has no reason to make any judgments at all. All he saw was a young child in 2012 playing a cute video game. That is all. News flash: I’m pretty sure the guys that built Google played a few pointless video games in their lives. They turned out okay overall, even if they lose a few points on the Conservative Guide To Your Entire Fucking Life Official Scorecard because Google occasionally tries to put up a few wind turbines here and there.

Bob even had to take it one step past simple judgmental bullshit; he had to bring taxes into the argument.

Hopefully, it wasn’t one of the taxpayer provided ipads. I would hate to think that we were contributing to the demise of this young girl.

Her demise? Bob has known of this person’s existence for all of sixty seconds, and he already knows that her life is, for all intents and purposes, over. He is thinking to himself, I bought that fat little fuck’s iPad, even though I doubt Bob contributed more than a dime to it, if that. I’m pretty sure they don’t let kindergardeners take the iPads home. They are classroom tools.

The final word: I’d rather have my kid grow up to be an Apple programmer than a judgmental, vindictive, and close-minded asshole like Bob S.

Maybe my kid will invent “Angry Republicans,” a game where you toss Santorums (the person, not the sexual byproduct) and Gingriches at welfare queens hiding in subsidized housing. When you win, the screen says, “Good job, you slut.” I think that would be a big seller.

Did you know you can comment on the Maine GOP website?

It is moderated, unfortunately, so no one is ever likely to see what you write, but if you wish to vent your anger at the absurdity of the modern Republican party you could, say, go to the list of State Committee members and write a comment like this:

It may be of interest to some readers that Committee member Roger Ek, Penobscot County, opposes the President’s compromise on ensuring access to birth control because, Roger notes, woman have had access to fish bladder condoms for thousands of years and can have an abortion anytime they want by jamming a stick into their uterus.

I’m not making this up.

Will it ever see the light? Who knows. But I found it a useful release in a moment of Roger Ek inspired annoyance.


AMG hates sluts.

On birth control, “johnw” is somehow the voice of reason.

I haven’t written about johnw before, because he is so incredibly dull. He posts long Ron Paul-enque rants that even people like me can’t go through without our eyes rolling into the back of our heads. But somehow, on birth control, he is concise and logical.

Here is what he says:

I work in an office where there are 30+ women….. some of them pretty darn conservative.
The prevailing attitude is why shouldn’t insurance pay for birth control if they choose to use it whether you agree with it or not.
These women vote , they pay for insurance and they believe that they should receive services they deem necessary……I had one standing in front of my desk yesterday telling me if our insurance policy pays for Viagra….. a drug that helps get women pregnant it sure as hell should pay for things that prevent it…… .

Other AMGers, however, they’ve still got the crazy flowing uninterrupted. Here are some of my favorites:

Maine State Republican Party Committee member Roger Ek:

Contraception has been around for thousands of years. Air bladders from fish were used back then as condoms and an old lady with a stick was used to perform abortions. The issue today is whether citizens’ tax dollars should be used to pay for these products and services.

Let me say that I am wholeheartedly in agreement with Roger in standing against taxpayer subsidies for fish bladders. And ‘old lady with a stick’ abortions. One-hundred percent with you there, Roger.

And then there is the resident conspiracy theorist, Mackenzie Andersen:

Extrapolating into the future as we continue down the course we are headed:

Phase One: in order to advance its population control agenda, the authoritarian totalitarian government issues free contraceptives.

Phase Two: The contraceptives that the government is issuing are revealed to be sterility pills. If one wants to conceive, one must get the antidote pill but to get that one must apply to the government for permission
Phase Three: New “advances’ in genetic engineering are made.

Phase Four: Genetic engineering mandates.

Wow. Phase Two is a plot twist I’d expect on the sci-fi channel at 2 a.m. I like where you’re going with this, Mackenzie. Put it in 45 pages of script form and I’ll see what the network brass thinks.

And finally, more Mackenzie. Doubling down.

I know the opening scenario sounds like it couldn’t happen here but as the second post in this discussion brought up- it is consistent with the views oi some of Obama czars, who ill continue to hold power if Obama is re-elected. These czars have already expressed a belief in public sterilization as a solution to the population problem. Science is always discovering unknown side affects of new drugs. Sterilization could be marketed as an either unknown side effect or an accidental contamination of the drugs- at least in the first phase of phase two, The antidote could be said to be in short supply and so must be regulated by the government.

Yes I know it sounds unlikely but so did everything that is happening today seem unlikely a short four years ago,

First of all, birth control is not a new drug. Well, unless you are on the Roger Ek geologic timescale, comparing hormonal pills to fish bladders, but you get my point. Five decades is not a short time.

Second, what a complete moron. The woman, Sandra Fluke, who testified and set off the whole Rush Limbaugh “slut” debacle was not talking about sex. She told the story of a woman who needed hormonal birth control pills not for birth control, but to prevent a progressive loss of fertility and the eventual disabling of one of her ovaries. She wanted to prevent sterility. She wanted what civilized people might call medicine. But she couldn’t get it, because the Affordable Care Act didn’t exist. Soon, people with her problem will not have to lose their fertility because of idiots like you, Mackenzie.


Do you have a light, bro?

Hi everyone. I’ve been away from my computer for the last week, but I came back to AMG this weekend and I found something good.

This is Hall of Fame material. It has been some time since I’ve inducted something into the hall of fame, but this thread screamed out at me: “Worthy!”

It was brought to you by Tom C, AMG’s resident “my ex-wife fucked me over” middle-aged white male angst cardboard cutout.

He puts up a link to a New Hampshire newspaper which published the letter of a dead man. Tom C says it is “well worth reading.” Yes, it is, but not for the reason you think it is!

Here’s the short backstory: Some guy in Keene, New Hampshire, wasn’t happy with how his divorce went. It looks like his wife had successfully pursued a protection from abuse order against him, divorced him, and been granted custody of their children.

And now they were dragging him back into court because he wasn’t paying his child support. There was a contempt of court hearing on the schedule, I believe.

This kind of thing happens all the time in Maine and around the country. Some people don’t pay child support. If they can find you, they can hold you in contempt for failing to follow court orders. But this guy had bigger ideas.

He wasn’t going to no silly child support hearing. Instead, he lit himself on fire.

Yes, the man lit himself on fire. He died. And right before he did the deed he sent the local paper his final thoughts.

And by the way, the man from Keene was named Tom Ball. I prefer to think of him as “Tom B.” Tom B, meet Tom C. He is a lot like you!

Anyways, the letter to the paper is fascinating in and of itself, but even more fascinating is the AMG reaction. At first it seemed pretty slanted in favor of Tom B, but later on it actually started to resemble a reasonable evaluation of what happened.

But first let me talk about the letter. It is quite a piece of work. Tom B saw his “brave” act of self-immolating resistance as the start of some larger movement. Look how he starts it off:

A man walks up to the main door of the Keene N.H. County Courthouse, douses himself with gasoline and lights a match. And everyone wants to know why.

Apparently the old general was right. Death is not the worst of evil.

Dear Tom B: What an ass you are. You just killed the father of your children, and you think the right thing to do is make some sort of political statement to the local paper? And just to make sure we KNOW you’re a complete ass, you throw in some self-centered tripe about “the old general” and “death is not the worst of evil.”  Oddly, I might agree. Your LIVING children will have to endure your evil long after you’ve left. Judging from the divorce, you were a pretty crappy father in actual life but you really sunk to a new low in death.

And you say “everyone wants to know why?” No, Tom B, we DON’T want to know why. We already understand why. Because you’re a fucking loser who couldn’t man up and be a good Dad. The only thing everyone wants to do is give your children a hug because they probably need one and, oh, by the way, their Dad isn’t there to do it himself because he lit himself on goddamn fire.

As you can see, I’m not a huge fan of Tom B. But on As Maine Goes he has quite a little cadre of followers! The lead supporter of burning yourself alive rather than pay child support is Tom C.

Naran, showing the old Naran I used to know and love, points out to Tom C that maybe lighting yourself on fire and leaving your children to grow up fatherless is a tad self-centered. A little selfish. I bit, shall we say, evil?

Tom C, of course, doesn’t see it. He is wearing his usual tunnel-vision Ray-Bans. He replies:

I don’t know. Burning yourself alive with gasoline is “selfish”?

You [Naran] are having an emotional defensive reaction.

Are you kidding me??? Naran is having the emotional defensive reaction?? What about the guy WHO FUCKING LIT HIMSELF ON FIRE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T GET THE DIVORCE HE FELT HE DESERVED. If that isn’t an emotional defensive reaction, what the goddamn hell is??

Pardon my caps and extra punctuation. This one really gets me jumping.

The now-crispy Tom B continues to tell his story in his letter:

My story starts with the infamous slapping incident of April 2001. While putting my four year old daughter to bed, she began licking my hand. After giving her three verbal warnings I slapped her. She got a cut lip. My wife asked me to leave to calm things down.

The man slapped his four year old daughter in the face. No big deal, right!? And to all the people on AMG saying that slapping a child is a parent’s prerogative, well, let me just say that I take Tom B’s version of events as the absolute “best light possible” version of the whole story. Call me crazy, but I give out -100 point credibility deductions to anyone who lights themselves on fire. That’s just me, I guess.

So the argument goes on and on, and the letter goes on and on, but Tom C and the other apologists for this maniac never admit what I see as the main point.

So here it is. Are you paying attention? Good. I’ll even put it in bold for you. This case shows that the system works.

“Huh?” Tom C thinks to himself. The system works when is causes a Dad to burn himself alive?

No. That’s not the right question because nothing made Tom B do this other than his warped ego and inability to listen to anything but his own self-centered impulses.

The system worked because it gave custody to the parent who didn’t think burning themselves alive was a noble, not to mention acceptable, activity.

The judge called this one right. Spot on!

Knowning what you know now about Tom B, would any reasonable parent agree to let him spend one minute alone with his or her children? Would you want Tom B as your child’s babysitter?

“Okay, dear, Mommy and Daddy are going to the movie. We’ll be back by 10. This nice man Tom B is here to take care of you. Listen to what he says, because if you don’t, he will probably slap you in the face. If that doesn’t work, he might commit suicide just to make a point. Oh, and don’t forget to brush your teeth.”

Tom B was mentally ill. Not fit to be around children. Unfortunately, that wasn’t clear until he decided to make himself a human stupidity sparkler.

Without the family court system, Tom B’s kids might be living with him right now and learning that Dad makes you bleed if you misbehave and that you don’t argue back because there is no limit to what Dad will do to show you he is right.

If this so-called man lit himself on fire to make this point, imagine what he did day to day in his household. It boggles my mind that anyone will defend him. My goodness. I’m glad Mom got those kids out of there.

Thank God for the system.