John “Flammenwerfer” Frary wrote another opinion column for MaineToday Media this week. In continuation of my promise to provide a condensed, cliff-note version of Frary’s often needlessly verbose long-form masturbation, here is my reinterpretation.

Unlike the last one, this piece actually had a thesis so it is a little longer. My apologies.

Here we go:

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Have a seat and pass the popcorn, a people’s veto is under way

Are Mainers really all that opposed to making people register in advance? We’ll find out, yo.

Hi. Some people like political drama and clichéd statements about popcorn. By some people, I mean people like me. I’m going to watch as Democrats try to overturn the law ending same-day registration to vote because it is fun watching stuff.

I’m old. Like, really old. And isn’t Jesse Jackson a jerk? Haha, yeah, he is.

Look, Colorado and California are on my side. Isn’t that just crazy? Me. John Frary. And California. I win!

Some random groups who have nothing to do with any of this think 13 year olds should vote. What a bunch of morons, eh?

If people don’t register ahead of time they shouldn’t be voting anyways.

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Original word count: 750 (yes, apparently not a single word of the 750 word limit was wasted by Prof. Frary).

Short-form word count: 111.