Ok, so I’ve been trying to add to my previous Michelle Anderson page for a while. The biggest problem is that the AMG search engine totally blows. Back in the previous incarnation of AMG there was a decent self-supported search engine that gave really good results. Now, AMG uses a custom google search. It sucks, and I am having trouble collecting as good a collection of Michelle Anderson quotes as I know exist. I’ve got some good ones, but I want great ones. I only get to unveil this shit once. Note to The Editor: if you enable advanced options for Google’s search on your page, you’d be awesome.

Anyways, after a few weeks of mucking around trying to find old Michelle Anderson material, I decided to take the easy way out (for now) and write about the Anderson’s somewhat formidable web presence. For instance, she is connected to a so-called “news” site called the Magic City Morning Star. I’m not really sure to what extent Michelle is involved in the current Magic City Morning Star, but her husband Ken is the owner. It appears to me that the Andersons have been trying to operate the Magic City Morning Star off and on for years with varying levels of commitment. The current incarnation is mostly just a webpage where they publish brainfarts from any crackpot that feels like sending them in.

There is a wikipedia entry about the Magic City Morning Star. According to the entry, “notable contributors” include Tom Allen, Mike Michaud, and Susan Collins. Could it be more misleading? I guess by contributions they mean things like this where they show campaign form messages sent to anyone that will accept. Strangely, Jason Levesque is not listed as a notable contributor even though his awesomely skilled press team is one of the few people keeping the light on. I took the liberty of editing the wikipedia entry to make it less blatently inaccurate, but it keeps getting re-edited back. I stand by my edits.

Looking at the actual website, I’ve got to say it is just a mess. Not just in style, but in substance. This is what happens when you give logins to people that can barely dress themselves in the morning and let them write whatever they want.

One example I love is this guest “column” by a Fritz Spencer. I didn’t hear about this, but I guess Rush Limbaugh danced to the music of Lady Gaga on television. To me, that just sounds frightening, but to Fritz it was an epiphany.  You see, Rush’s smooth moves helped America see:

…that those who condone this infernal side of the pop culture, no matter their position in life, be they politician or priest, manger or minister, are engaged in their own dance with Lady Gaga, and by extension, Satan.

Yes, those heathens that dance with Lady Gaga are dancing with the Dark Lord himself. Err, herself. Follow through on Fritz’s reasoning and Rush was dancing with the Dark Lord too, which is pretty remarkable when it isn’t part of an oxy-high.

I had a different ephiny. When I saw Rush’s luscious torso gyrating to the beat, the sweat collecting on his brow, and the confidence in the way he could cut up the floor, I realized that maybe there was a reason why he can land the ladies. I mean, he’s been married three times. Dude is a chick magnet. And I think I finally know why: Money. ‘Cause it certainly isn’t anything else.

Another example of this site’s nuttiness is the obligatory Obama-is-evil column. By evil, I mean Muslim, because those things are synonymous, right? Here is the “column” by J. Grant Swank Jr.:

Though Obama claims to be Protestant, he has himself stated his “Muslim faith.” By now knowledgeable citizens around the world realize that a Muslim, not a Protestant, sits in the Oval Office. His United Church of Christ membership is a mask. [...]

Islam is not a religion among world religions. [...] It is a killing cult with a bloody ‘holy writ’ for its scriptures. [...] Now that Obama is committed to a killing cult, one can realize all the more how he is elated over whatever he does. Cult members work that way.

I’m using “quotes” when I call these things “columns” because I don’t think these disgusting rants deserve the distinction of even being called such. They are just paranoid bullshit. Lets move one to something that is just weird.

According to the Magic City Morning Star’s “news” section, Obama is (along with 14,163 other people), the subject of a Supreme Court criminal case. That is so cool. I hope their lawyer is getting paid well, because 14,164 clients must not be easy on his phone system. Check it out at “Nobel Peace Prize Committee Alerted to Obama Criminal Cases” by Anthony P. Keyter:

The Peace Prize Committee of the Norwegian Nobel Institute has been informed of two pending criminal cases against the Committee’s Peace Prize Laureate for 2009 – US President Barack Obama. [...] President Obama is a defendant in a pending US Supreme Court criminal case, “United States of America vs. 14,164 Seditious Conspirators”. The President is also a defendant in a current criminal case in the US District Court for Maine. The cases describe how numerous US government officers are engaged in sedition against the United States, how crucial evidence thereof has been suppressed, and how attempts have been made on the life of a key witness in order to silence his testimony in the courts. The criminal complaints in both courts address President Obama’s principal role in this criminal conspiracy within the government and the courts of the United States, intent on preventing, hindering, and delaying, the execution of the laws upon law-breaking government officers.

Personal thought: “United States of America v. 14,164 Seditious Conspirators” is the best name for a non-existent criminal case I have ever heard. Ever. The guy who made that up smartly thought, gee, maybe a number in the hundreds of thousands of conspirators would seem a bit much. Way to show restraint and keep it in the ten-thousand range.

Is this funny or just depressing? You tell me. It is the world Michelle lives in. You and I can stand back and laugh out how nuts it is, but people actually believe this shit. And AMG makes them moderators. Jason Levesque sends them press releases. Good times.