It is common knowledge that the group of people who openly disparage homosexuals as “scary” tend to be the same group of people with an inordinate number of closeted, repressed homosexuals in their midst. Quick list of examples: the rentboy.com guy, Larry Craig, and Ted Haggard.

Besides being an anecdotally noticeable trend, scientific studies using a technique known as “penile plethysmography” have shown that “homophobic” straight men are more likely to become aroused watching male homosexual porn than non-homophobic straight men. In other words, if you hooked me and Tom C up to a penile plethysmograph and turned on the gay porn, I’d probably shrug while Tom pitched a tent. We will never know for sure, however, because I broke my penile plethysmograph at the last penile plethysmograph convention after-party and it’s hard to find parts for those things.

Anyways, if the science is correct then AMG is chock full of closeted homosexuals. The likes of Apollo, LMD, Tom C, and The Distributist come to mind.

Their amazing ability to hate all things homosexual, even to the detriment of our national security, is on full view in this thread about a Marine who thinks letting gays openly serve in the military is a bad idea. Why a bad idea? Because Marines, apparently, get all whiny about the prospect of sharing a room with a gay. I don’t understand why, because the gay is still thought to be non-contagious, but AMGers fully support the argument.

Apollo wins the award for most blindly idiotic point with this:

But Charlotte, since it is generally accepted, even among liberals, that gays have multiple partners and have far less self control when it comes to sexuality, wouldn’t this be disruptive in the military?

I almost feel bad picking on Apollo; after all, his outrage on this topic surely stems from transferred anger over the refusal of his fellow Greek deities to share a room with him on Mt. Olympus. Nevertheless, I must point out that arguing against gays serving in the military sans daily lying to everyone, based on the assumed sexual restraint of heterosexual service members, has got to be one of the most naive, imbecilic arguments made in the history of man. Or even Greek gods.

I guess in Apollo’s fantasy world, American soldiers sit in their cots each evening tightening their promise bracelets and writing letters to mother and a high-school sweetheart. These soldiers are models of chastity and sexual self-restraint. Reality, unfortunately, has a slightly different story to tell. For instance, look at this news piece entitled “US Sailors Wear Out Sex Workers.” An excerpt:

Perth prostitutes were reeling from exhaustion following an influx of United States sailors stressed from a stint in a war zone, a well-known madam said today.

Mary-Anne Kenworthy said she was forced to close the doors of her famous Langtrees brothel for only the third time ever yesterday because her prostitutes were so worn out they could no longer provide a quality service.

Yes, American soldiers are known for their shyness when it comes to having a good time. Right. The gays would ruin the chaste lifestyle the military has worked so hard to maintain.

Here is how I see the issue: Being a marine isn’t easy. When compared to the fear of, you know, getting shot, I don’t think a lot of them are worried about whether their roommate is an uncloseted homosexual. And I say uncloseted because, after all, under current policy a roommate could be gay but just not telling you. Doesn’t the Marine quoted at the start of the thread actually argue for removing all homosexuals from the military, whether they are open about it or not? Isn’t that the only way to end a soldier’s fear that his roommate listening to show tunes before missions is not preparing to do, I don’t know, whatever it is he would do that causes the homophobic Marine so much anxiety in the first place? Yeah, the argument does suggest that conclusion, but logic is not something the gay haters are known for.

There are two non-depressing things about this thread. One: the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is inevitably near, regardless of how AMG feels about it. Two: this is a great reason for a new AMGLOLZ poll!

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