AMGers are just finding out about today’s explosion at an oil rig off the Louisiana coast, and they are not missing this chance to express their paranoid, irrational fear of our nation’s first black President.

Floating platforms that drill for, capture, and store large amounts of flammable liquids and gas don’t just explode for no reason, you see. Obama makes them explode.

Suggests Melvin Udall:

Oh, crap. One explosion, accident. Multiples, and ?????

And I suppose there are explosions, and then there are explosions.

And then wv_republican adds:

1 is an accident, 2 within months after years of quiet success…….

Pretty soon wv_republican will be finding a way to retroactively frame Obama for all the coal mining explosions in recent years.

Just more irrational hate from the “common sense” crowd.

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Competition

As the hobbyist behind an anonymous, lightly traveled, largely ignored, and unprofessional attack website, I strongly object to the creation of anonymous, professional, noticed, and important attack websites such as this one:

The Cutler Files

The Editor recently posted a podcast by his favorite conspiracy theorist Michelle Anderson, in which she interviewed a seemingly random tea party activist about the not necessarily simple issue of Federal court jurisdiction.

The random person was named Jeff Lewis, and in speaking about the recent Federal Court decision holding that Arizona’s “papers please” law was unconstitutional he said this:

The judges on American Idol have as much jurisdiction to hear the case against Arizona as the U.S. District Court for the district of Arizona does. So any rulings, injunctions, whatever that lady does — Judge Bolton — no offense to her personally, but professionally, she’s in violation of her oath of office.

Got that? She is in violation of her oath of office. Whoa, that sounds serious. How did she manage to do that?

Well, according to this guy who runs a coalition with a website logo featuring the Statue of Liberty sinking into flames, the Federal Judge violated her office by letting the United States sue Arizona in her Federal Court.

According to this random dude with no apparent expertise, the only Court in which the Justice Department could have filed a suit against Arizona was at the actual Supreme Court in Washington, D.C., because only it has “original jurisdiction.” Without original jurisdiction, the Federal Judge was overseeing a “kangaroo court.”

How did the Attorney General of the United States get it so wrong? And why didn’t Arizona raise the issue? And why do other states in other cases also ignore the question of “original jurisdiction?”

Interesting question. Even Jeff Lewis isn’t sure. He notes, somewhat flummoxed, that:

Virginia. I’ll mention this one. They’re fighting ObamaCare. Same scenario. A state, the commonwealth, is a party. They should have filed it immediately with the Supreme Court.

So everyone with any legal expertise whatsoever seems to think that this process works one way: you start in the District Court. This guy Michelle interviewed seems to think that is wrong and, what’s more, that everyone else KNOWS it is wrong but keeps doing it anyways. All these judges and lawyers are breaking their oaths of office.

Here is an alternative hypothesis, Michelle. Maybe this Jeff Lewis guy is wrong. Think about it. Let that thought sink in, slowly. Maybe the entire legal profession, including the attorneys on both sides of all these cases, have an entirely different understanding because, you know, THEY ARE EXPERTS. They know better. Maybe when this guy accuses them of something terrible like breaking an oath of office, you should make sure this is correct before you just give him a free platform to rant.

Near the end, Michelle asks:

Jeff, if we want to learn more about this or get ahold of you, how do we do that?

Gee, Michelle, here’s a neat idea on how to learn more about this: speak to a lawyer. Or hell, at least a paralegal. There are only a few million people in this country that could sort this out for you. But no, you let some crazy guy accuse some judge of a crime just for doing her job. That isn’t right, and you should be ashamed. If you actually cared about why these lawyers all seem to do the same thing, over and over, maybe you should try talking to some of them.

And you, Editor, should also be ashamed for letting this drivel be broadcast through your website. It’s just crap. Accusations like this against Federal Judges are serious. They are carrying out one of the most important duties under our Constitution and deserve a tiny bit of respect. I’m not saying you have to agree with them, but don’t lob these crazy accusations without, at the very least, trying to learn the reasoning of the other side. Especially when, as in this case, the other side appears to be everyone who ever went to law school.

It is astounding how little the facts matter to these people.

This post is about an AMGer named JIMV.

JIMV is a lemming, or maybe a computer program, that only does one thing: express belief in everything Sean Hannity tells him. Every single word. If a Republican did it, only Jesus could have done it better (and that’s only on one of Jesus’ good days).

Luckily for all of us, the economy of Maine was so repressive that JIMV decided to up and leave for greener pastures. Err, browner pastures. Specifically, Idaho.

He now makes his living, doing whatever it is JIMV does, in Boise. I have trouble believing that JIMV can actually hold a job because I wouldn’t trust his judgment to do much more than flip burgers. I have trouble imagining any possible employer could feel any different after about ten minutes with the guy. But maybe in Idaho they have different standards than they do here.

I bring this up now because the miracle of Google helped me discover that JIMV’s online wisdom is not restricted to As Maine Goes. He also posts on a message board in Idaho. Over there he brings up excellent, well-thought-through Hannity talking points like this bit on the stimulus:

I am letting you get away with lowballing the stimulous to the official $700 billion (when the real cost was $840 Billion)…

Now divide the cost by the pretend jobs and what do you get?

Folk with better math than I note the cost per claimed job comes in just under $200K….

So, say $190K per job….pretty pricey to hire a half million or so temp census workers or to keep overpaid government union members or rich ‘educators’ employed on the dime of the actual poor and middle class.

Another math test….what if BoBo had simply taken the $840 billion and cut a $50K check per person, he could have written over 16 million checks to folk…imagine getting a $50K check in the mail!

That “reasoning” might sound convincing for about two seconds. Sort of like how it might seem like a good idea to drive to Idaho and punch JIMV in the face for about two seconds. But then you think about all the negatives. I mean, that is a lot of time and money invested for very little outcome. Idaho’s pretty far away. If he moves to Ohio, I might reconsider.

So $190K per job sounds really bad, I guess, if you accept that dividing the total cost of an organization by the number of people working for it equals the “cost” per job. Of course, it doesn’t make any sense, and this is why JIMV would never succeed in the business world.

Can you imagine him as CEO? I have this theory that all Republicans think they’d make great CEOs because unlike the rest of the population, they believe they know how to make the “tough” decisions. Here’s how I picture JIMV in the role:

JIMV: Hi, CFO. I just figured out that each of our employees cost us $190K each! We need to bring those costs down!

The unlucky CFO (who just can’t believe JIMV is the more successful of the two): Whoa, Jim. Slow down. We pay our employees an average of 45K per year.

JIMV: No. We have total revenues of 190,000,000, and we have 1,000 employees, so obviously each employee costs us 190K! We need to fire some of them or something. Maybe they will each agree to a 70% pay cut?

The CFO: Jim, that makes no sense. We do more than pay our employees. We buy supplies. We have overhead. We need it to create products that people want. Our employees don’t get all that.

JIMV: Dammit, man, I’m sick of your Democrat math. You’re fired! Look, I just saved us $190K!

Memo to JIMV: The stimulus actually BUILT THINGS. It wasn’t just “190K per job.” Each 190K got us a job AND a few miles of rejuvenated highway, a school that didn’t close, a few people getting unemployment benefits so they could feed their kids, and (gasp!) some tax cuts!

Think about it, dude, in between burger flips.

JIMV: A Republican’s Republican. A man devoid of any independent thought.

It is common knowledge that the group of people who openly disparage homosexuals as “scary” tend to be the same group of people with an inordinate number of closeted, repressed homosexuals in their midst. Quick list of examples: the rentboy.com guy, Larry Craig, and Ted Haggard.

Besides being an anecdotally noticeable trend, scientific studies using a technique known as “penile plethysmography” have shown that “homophobic” straight men are more likely to become aroused watching male homosexual porn than non-homophobic straight men. In other words, if you hooked me and Tom C up to a penile plethysmograph and turned on the gay porn, I’d probably shrug while Tom pitched a tent. We will never know for sure, however, because I broke my penile plethysmograph at the last penile plethysmograph convention after-party and it’s hard to find parts for those things.

Anyways, if the science is correct then AMG is chock full of closeted homosexuals. The likes of Apollo, LMD, Tom C, and The Distributist come to mind.

Their amazing ability to hate all things homosexual, even to the detriment of our national security, is on full view in this thread about a Marine who thinks letting gays openly serve in the military is a bad idea. Why a bad idea? Because Marines, apparently, get all whiny about the prospect of sharing a room with a gay. I don’t understand why, because the gay is still thought to be non-contagious, but AMGers fully support the argument.

Apollo wins the award for most blindly idiotic point with this:

But Charlotte, since it is generally accepted, even among liberals, that gays have multiple partners and have far less self control when it comes to sexuality, wouldn’t this be disruptive in the military?

I almost feel bad picking on Apollo; after all, his outrage on this topic surely stems from transferred anger over the refusal of his fellow Greek deities to share a room with him on Mt. Olympus. Nevertheless, I must point out that arguing against gays serving in the military sans daily lying to everyone, based on the assumed sexual restraint of heterosexual service members, has got to be one of the most naive, imbecilic arguments made in the history of man. Or even Greek gods.

I guess in Apollo’s fantasy world, American soldiers sit in their cots each evening tightening their promise bracelets and writing letters to mother and a high-school sweetheart. These soldiers are models of chastity and sexual self-restraint. Reality, unfortunately, has a slightly different story to tell. For instance, look at this news piece entitled “US Sailors Wear Out Sex Workers.” An excerpt:

Perth prostitutes were reeling from exhaustion following an influx of United States sailors stressed from a stint in a war zone, a well-known madam said today.

Mary-Anne Kenworthy said she was forced to close the doors of her famous Langtrees brothel for only the third time ever yesterday because her prostitutes were so worn out they could no longer provide a quality service.

Yes, American soldiers are known for their shyness when it comes to having a good time. Right. The gays would ruin the chaste lifestyle the military has worked so hard to maintain.

Here is how I see the issue: Being a marine isn’t easy. When compared to the fear of, you know, getting shot, I don’t think a lot of them are worried about whether their roommate is an uncloseted homosexual. And I say uncloseted because, after all, under current policy a roommate could be gay but just not telling you. Doesn’t the Marine quoted at the start of the thread actually argue for removing all homosexuals from the military, whether they are open about it or not? Isn’t that the only way to end a soldier’s fear that his roommate listening to show tunes before missions is not preparing to do, I don’t know, whatever it is he would do that causes the homophobic Marine so much anxiety in the first place? Yeah, the argument does suggest that conclusion, but logic is not something the gay haters are known for.

There are two non-depressing things about this thread. One: the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is inevitably near, regardless of how AMG feels about it. Two: this is a great reason for a new AMGLOLZ poll!

Studies show that the most publicly anti-gay people are more likely to be repressed homosexuals themselves. Accordingly, it is a near certainty that at least one AMGer is secretly gay. Who?

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This thread has turned into a discussion of Maine educational results; specifically, whether Maine students are pretty good or pretty bad when measured by standardized tests like the SAT college entrance exam.

Frankly, I have always wondered why conservatives get all huffy about Maine student’s average SAT scores. After all, a high SAT score just makes it more likely that the student is going to go to one of those ivy league liberal schools, get multiple fancy degrees, find a job in an ivory tower somewhere, vote Democrat, not go to church as much, and eventually get appointed to some position in a future Democratic administration where the job is to tell your less highly educated children how to live their lives.

Why not nip this in the bud? Let’s not try to help our students do better on the SAT; instead, we should support more America-friendly lifestyles by encouraging students to join the football team and keeping them away from condoms. After all, students with traumatic head injuries or pregnant girlfriends are far less likely to go down the ivy league path towards socialism.

Some Washington D.C. and national blogs have picked up on this story, which quotes the hilarious warnings the Maine Tea Party is giving members traveling to Washington for Beckapalooza.

Included in comment section at the originating website is a story about a poor sole stranded in D.C.:

I was in DC to visit our two senators in 1998. I asked them not to support CARA and Kyoto because they are huge job killers in Maine. CARA is known as the Confiscation And Relocation Act.

While I was there I stayed in a cheap hotel and had the window open. I was on the third floor. I called home and while I was on the phone there was a burst of 9MM automatic weapons fire in the street. My wife said it was pretty loud and was that the TV? I told her it wasn’t the TV. It was live in the street in Washington, DC, which is more dangerous than Baghdad.

Who told this little story? If you can’t tell by the style of prose (short choppy sentences, always ending with a ‘they said… and then I said’ moralistic flourish), then I’ll tell you: AMG’s own Roger Ek.

Yes, the same Roger Ek who thinks the Federal government used aircraft to shut down Facebook’s Mafia Wars game and made veiled threats of armed insurrection against a Maine planning board.

Bravo, Roger.

So, as I stated earlier, Paul LePage thinks that Maine should return somewhere between $2 billion and $3 billion in Federal funds to Washington each year because, according to Paul LePage, Mainers didn’t pay enough in Federal taxes.

This topic came up on AMG. The Republican reaction ranged from “good riddance” to “you lie!”

For instance, AMGer ldwight joined the ‘good riddance to the Federal money’ camp when s/he wrote:

“… in 2009 the feds sent Maine $650,000 million just to paper over the budget deficit in Maine, according to the information distributed by the Office of Fiscal and Program Review.

Already in 2010 (fiscal year beginning July 1, 2010) the feds have plugged another $139 million into the state, for state and local spending.

Get a clue. This is not only a sound fiscal policy, but also a sound ethical and moral one as well.”

The number in the first part must be a typo: “$650,000 million” would equal $650 billion, which is only one-hundred times larger than Maine’s entire budget. So ldwight probably meant that the Feds helped Maine by giving us a mere $650 million towards our budget. It was called the stimulus, and because of it your children still have teachers, your roads will be plowed this winter, and there will still be police patrolling your street. Not only that, but your local grocery store will have teachers, plow drivers, and police around to buy food, your local movie theatre will have them around to buy movie tickets, and your home value will plummet less because the teacher or plow driver or police officer living next door was able to pay his or her mortgage, thus avoiding a potential foreclosure. This is how the stimulus was supposed to work, and it has for that purpose. It is sound policy.

AMGer ldwight, on the other hand, seems to think that the “sound fiscal policy” would be to refuse Federal money. He or she also thinks that it is an “ethical and moral” imperative to refuse such funds.

Roger Ek, to step aside for a moment, makes his own camp:

Military bases have been closed at an accelerating rate in Maine. About all we have left is a few National Guard, reserve and recruiting offices along with Portsmouth Naval Shipyard. It is not useful to compare military spending with over-all state expenses. There will always be military bases and their costs should not be used to claim benefits to the state.

That’s great, Roger, but 1) It doesn’t make sense, and 2) If it did, it has nothing to do with what we were talking about. But anyways, let’s go back to ldwight’s point because he, at least, appears to be non-senile.

He thinks the “ethical and moral” thing to do is refuse Federal money beyond whatever amount Mainers pay in Federal taxes. What would Maine have to cut to make this happen?

Before we look at that, we must consider (as Dan Billings pointed out) that some of the Federal money is coming back to the state in the form of Social Security and Medicare, which doesn’t go through the state government.  In 2004, one-third of the Federal expenditure in Maine came in the form of retirement and disability payments. So we’ll take a lowball number of Federal excess payments of around $2.5 billion, and we’ll immediately cut off one-third of that because it doesn’t go through state government. That leaves about $1.6 billion dollars that Paul LePage, at least theoretically, would love to just send back to the Feds. And people on AMG not only agree with this idea, but think we’re acting immorally if we don’t. So where would Maine cut $1.6 billion from it’s budget?

To AMGers the answer is crystal clear: cut welfare. To them, welfare is a giant albatross sucking Maine dry (Albatrosses are known for their blood-sucking appendages, right?). As Earl Nickerson, Jr. so stereotypically wrote:

Just by bringing Maine into line with federal guidlines and residentcy requirements regarding welfare and medicare we can save quite a bit…

This seems so easy. Just cut off the free-loaders and everything will be fixed. He isn’t even saying that welfare should be strict, just bring it down to the Federal guidelines. Limit benefits to five years, that sort of thing. It sounds great, but it is 99.99% not based in reality.

Here’s why:

- Only about 1% of welfare recipients have exceeded the five year Federal guideline. The savings created by implementing this guideline would be miniscule. The same can be said of a waiting requirement; only a very small percentage of recipients would be impacted by the waiting requirement. Those that would be impacted, however, would not necessarily be those trying to game the system. For instance, think of an abused woman from Maine who moved to New Hampshire with her husband. She wants to leave him and move back home, where she could have the support of her family. She needs TANF for some time while she sorts out her life. Does a 90-day residency period help or hurt the chances of her leaving her abuser? Is this requirement worth it? Isn’t a requirement that a recipient be working toward self-sufficiency, which is an actual requirement, make more sense than an arbitrary waiting period or deadline?

- If you take a look at a recent DHHS budget, you’ll find that there is actually not enough welfare to cut to make Republicans happy. TANF is, after all, less than 2% of Maine’s total budget. Within DHHS, welfare programs such as TANF and food stamps generally fall under the headings of “Integrated Access and Support” and “Child and Family.” Those departments also include non-welfare activities that Republicans could probably grudgingly support, like tracking down deadbeat dads and investigating allegations of child abuse, so even they would likely be hesitant to just cut all funding. Yet, if we look at the DHHS budget carefully we find that even if we cut those two departments COMPLETELY we would only reduce spending by about $583 million. This is not chump change, but it is still only one-third of the money Maine should ‘ethically and morally’ return to the Feds. Furthermore, the vast majority of the money in question is not funded by the Federal government; therefore, to return the whole $1.6 billion we are going to have to cut somewhere else. So let’s look at the rest of the DHHS budget.

$131 million for adults with cognitive and physical disabilities? Do Earl Nickerson and Paul LePage want to cut that?

$34 million for substance abuse programs? Well, I guess we shouldn’t be helping druggies anyways; we should be locking them up. But it is only $34 million, so that doesn’t help us much.

Oh, what’s this? A department with a $2.1 billion dollar budget, of which $1.5 billion comes from the Federal government? That would solve our problem right there. What is this program?

Medicaid.

There is no way to do what Paul LePage wants to do without substantially cutting, and by substantially I mean making cuts of 50% or greater, the program known as Medicaid.

Has Paul LePage actually looked at the state budget? Does he understand what he would have to do to make these cuts work? Does he understand that his grand plan to remake Maine’s welfare system would, if it cut costs in half, save less than $300 million per year in a multi-billion dollar budget (and that’s very generous on two counts: 1) LePage’s plan doesn’t seem likely to reduce costs much at all, and 2) I’m calculated costs by the sizes of particular departments, which may in fact do other things than just welfare)? Does he understand that the only sizeable item even close to welfare in the state budget is Medicaid, so if he wants to make sizable cuts to the welfare state he is going to have to cut Medicaid?

I think he doesn’t. And I don’t understand why, for the life of me, no one is making LePage make a detailed statement on what he would cut. If he really means what he says, then Mainers deserve to know the drastic impact this will have on their own lives and the lives of their neighbors.

If LePage tries to do what he says he is going to do, he is going to dismantle Medicaid in the state of Maine. There is no other way.